I happened across this little gem of an article by Lou Carlozo of Yesware back in April and immediately added it to my blog editorial calendar. I come across a lot of writing about sales and a lot about good writing, but writing that puts the two together? Not so much.
To make your writing more vibrant and persuasive, Mr. Carlozo recommends that you do two things:
Eschew forms of “to be”
Never start a sentence with “there is,” as in “There is one thing you can do to remedy the situation.” Instead, rewrite the sentence to read “You can do one thing to remedy the situation.” Your words now give the reader power to take action. Seek out other forms of to be lurking in sentences and get rid of them. Transform “is running” to “runs.” Rewrite “Using Dandy Widgets is a great way to increase your profitability” to “Dandy Widgets increase profitability.”
Avoid the passive voice
Years ago, a writing instructor noted that the passive voice crops up frequently in technically oriented writing because engineers think it sounds polite. And I’ve observed it where the speaker wants to distance himself from the truth. (Remember the famous Reagan Iran-Contra statement: “Mistakes were made?”) So rather than saying, for example, “Millie was given kudos by the boss,” say “The boss gave Millie kudos for her work,” or even better, “The boss praised Millie’s work.”
When you write a sales—or other—email, you’re trying to prompt your reader to take action. Using strong, active verbs is the best way. As Mr. Carlozo puts it, “Work your verbs. Allow them to lift, propel and ignite your writing.”
An aside: Writing this post took longer than I thought it would, because I had to work so hard to avoid “to be.”
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