Most likely you’ve experienced boss-subordinate relationships that left you feeling baffled, insecure, or even hostile. What to do? One solution is to up and leave as quickly as you can, but you may face the same or worse in your next job. And if you want to build a career, a history of decamping will not serve you well.
According to Liane Davey, a smart Brit at Knightsbridge Human Capital, you are not without resources. She spells them out in her article “What to Do When Your Boss Doesn’t Like You.”
But first, analyzing the friction between you and your boss is worth the investment of time and effort. As Ms. Davey says, “The good news is that there are steps you can take to change things for the better.” I would add that you’ll be developing skills you can use for the long term.
So, what’s the problem between you and your boss? According to Ms. Davey, she may think you’re incompetent, or she doesn’t like your style. He may not relate to you, a potential problem in our multigenerational workplace. Or—and this is the killer— your boss is insecure.
Ms. Davey offers an approach to managing upward in each of these scenarios. If your boss sees you as incompetent, deliver results. Build a “track record of high quality work.” If he doesn’t like how you manage or interact with others, “find two or three small things you can change that will make a big difference.” A tool like Myers-Briggs may be helpful. Or simply observe your boss in action. If the problem is an inability to relate—often because you’re different ages or at different career stages—“start forming even the smallest links to bring you together.” One technique might be to ask questions and truly listen to the answers or to share your perceptions of a situation.
And finally, your boss is insecure. Your relationship is erratic, because you pose a threat just by being smart, successful and self-confident. If there’s a silver lining here, it’s more about your boss than it is about you. How to deal? Ms. Davey recommends that you “give your manager a share of your success and your confidence.” Solicit her opinion. Give him credit for his contribution. You may not like this idea much but, trust me, it all comes out in the end. An insecure boss likely has a history of making others’ work lives unpleasant.
Please read Ms. Davey’s post. I’ve captured only the highlights here. Putting her ideas into action requires effort and may not initially yield the results you’ve hoped for. On the other hand, not addressing the situation you’re in will ultimately make you feel powerless, and none of us needs that.
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