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Cognitive reappraisal is about communicating with yourself. It’s about retraining your brain to view failures and setbacks differently.
We’ve all experienced failure of one type or another. Most likely we’ve all berated ourselves for failing. “Loser” may be the kindest word we use to describe ourselves when we’ve come up short. And yet, if we want to win, self-flagellation is probably the worst possible direction to take. Beating ourselves up is so exhausting we’ll end up paralyzed.
Jill Konrath, my all-time favorite sales coach, puts failure in sales in perspective in a May 2015 video post. She notes that selling is one of the toughest jobs ever, because everyone in the company can see your every stumble and fall. And in a circumstance like that, it’s easy to allow your brain to be seized by fear. I believe that the stakes are pretty high regardless of the department you work in. We’re all surrounded by critics. And if you run your own business, you may experience the consequences of failure more immediately.
So what to do? Her approach seems a bit corny, but it works if you practice it diligently.
You emotionally detach from your experience of failure and look at it differently. Not as a failure but as a learning experience. As something that you haven’t done right—at least not yet. This is what the experts call cognitive reappraisal.
Ms. Konrath seems to be a perpetually cheery person. At the same time, I have come to believe that her cheer rests on a real foundation. She’s had tough times. She’s decided to learn from them. She’s probably done some moaning along the way. But she’s consciously decided to cut the complaining short and use the tools at her disposal.
Thanks to Sir Richard Branson for this wonderful quote: “Do not be embarrassed by your failures, learn from them and start again.” And thanks too for this link to inspiration he’s gotten from others.
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