I’ve worked, as I’m sure you have, with both delightful and cringe-worthy folks. In fact, I bet we’ve all taken our turn filling these roles.
According to Judith and Richard Glaser, conversations that feature castigation, blame, and negative judgments tend to linger with us much longer than those where we’re the recipients of praise and admiration. “Chemistry plays a big role in this phenomenon” the Glasers contend. Cortisol, whose production is stimulated by unpleasant dialogues, produces effects that hang around for about 26 hours. Oxytocin, which makes you feel good, metabolizes more quickly. Hey, isn’t that always the way? And that’s why the bad things people say to us linger on and the good things dissipate.
In the wonderful world of work, what this all means is that managers, in particular, need to be very careful how they conduct conversations with subordinates. The Glasers note that cortisol-producing conversations shut down our critical thinking capabilities, making us more reactive, sensitive, and prone to perceive “greater judgment and negativity than actually exists.”
The Glasers conducted a study which revealed, interestingly, that leaders tend to give themselves credit for greater benevolence than they should. They typically send mixed signals through a blend of positive and negative behaviors. The dissonance experienced by their followers amps up cortisol production and reduces C-IQ—“a person’s ability to connect and think innovatively, empathetically, creatively and strategically with others.”
What a cogent explanation of our tendency to remember negative behavior and communications and to feel off-balance and uneasy when in the presence of someone who delivers mixed messages. I once worked for a manager like that and couldn’t wait to leave.
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