Many—perhaps most—of us don’t know exactly how to ask for help when we’re overworked. At least at our jobs. We may be afraid of being perceived as incompetent in general or perhaps not up to a specific task. But the fact is that most of us are deluged with work, and the tasks keep on piling on. If we also believe in work-life balance, then the problem feels more crushing.
Social psychologist Heidi Grant of Columbia University’s Motivation Science Center and author of Reinforcements: How to Get People to Help You has studied this and in a recent Harvard Business Review article offers excellent suggestions for getting the help you need.
But before you do anything else, it’s important to realize that you (and your colleagues) may not be “asking for the support you actually need, and if you are, you probably aren’t asking for it in the right way.” Argh.
Here are her suggestions (in my words):
- Home in on what you need. That can take some time, but as Ms. Grant point out, “ … you sometimes have to spend a little time to save a lot of it.” On the other hand, I’m betting that most of us can immediately come up with several tasks we’d like to have taken off our plates without any trouble at all.
- Be really clear when you ask for what you need. This tip calls to mind the line Greta Garbo uttered so memorably in Anna Christie: “Gimme a whiskey, ginger ale on the side, and don’t be stingy, baby.” Pretty unequivocal, eh?
- Accept the help you’re offered. Grant cautions us not to be rigid. The help we ask for may not be what someone is willing or able to offer. we may not want to ask someone who has not responded positively to our requests in the past. People who have refused you before may say yes this time. And, of course, everyone is drowning in work, so your requestee may just plain be unable to help.
- Say thanks. People need to know that they’ve been helpful. It’s a potent motivator to continue to help you in the future.
These are really great ideas. And to them I add one that should go without saying—which is to reciprocate. Of course, if your colleague is an unappreciative jerk, you have license to say no, but hey, why not take the high road?
Leave a Comment